by Tess Blanchard
‘Twas a simple kiss I desired. At three-and-twenty years, I had experienced romantic passion but once (with my betrothed). Alas, the brave soul expired on the battlefield, a hero until his last breath. I shan’t forget him, and yet, two years after he fell, I found myself longing for the passion that my three closest friends (the Loring sisters) confide is a delicious component of marriage. However, I most certainly did not wish to succumb to matrimony simply to indulge my curiosity. But what harm could lie in a chaste kiss? Oh, perhaps, two kisses (and possibly not entirely chaste, but definitely not conducted in a horizontal position).
What harm?
My dear innocents, considerable is the word that comes to mind.
I (obviously) do not possess the experience of the famous courtesan, Fanny Irwin, a confidante and friend of the Loring sisters. However, after indulging my curiosity regarding the pleasures of a simple kiss, I feel it my duty to issue a resounding warning to others whose curiosity may lead the innocent down that dangerous garden path.
- If at first you do not succeed in satisfying your curiosity (that is, the administrator of the kiss does not ignite your passion), do not try, try again with a second party. Having pursued that particular strategy, I can attest that diligence in the matter may ultimately deliver one into the hands of a rake who does not care one wit for the reputation of a lady.
- If you do endeavor to experience the art of kissing (against the sage advice of those such as yours truly), make certain that your godmother is nowhere on the premises. (Godmothers are not known to have an understanding nature.)
- Never—I repeat, NEV-ER—experiment in the art of kissing with one who bears the nickname “the Devil Duke,” or your reputation could end up in shreds.
- Beware the peril of the chaise longue.
- Similarly, beware a handsome foe who makes your blood boil and race at the same time.
- Beware the double standard employed for unmarried young ladies and powerful, wealthy noblemen. Indeed, they are an unavoidable fact of life.
- No matter how deeply one is involved in charitable endeavors, such as aiding families who have sent their men off to war, good works will not save one from the shame of being compromised.
- If good judgment does not prevail, and you are discovered locked in a clandestine (horizontal) embrace with an acknowledged expert at lovemaking (such as the Devil Duke), be forewarned that there will be no escaping the dire consequences. You will be doomed to wed the rake, with the discouraging reality that love will not be an integral part of the marriage contract.
- But, my darlings, there is more to marriage than a contract, and in the sanctity of marriage, you may pursue the art of kissing, as well as other pleasurable endeavors, without fear of retribution.